![]() ![]() I was triggered, because of my first “sexual encounter” with a man. The brain forms a connection between a trigger and the feelings with which it is associated, and some triggers are quite innocuous.” “In the strictest sense of the term, trigger is used to refer to experiences that 're-trigger' trauma in the form of flashbacks or overwhelming feelings of sadness, anxiety, or panic. on a Friday, watching anime, with him on top of me, and my mind somewhere else. So, how the fuck could we even navigate or expect to have a sincere conversation about our expectations, feelings, or appropriate touching? In a way, we were kind of predestined to be in that room, at 8 P.M. However, the reality was that our socialization, intersection of identities, and past experiences influenced our responses in that moment. ![]() We were two teenagers with hormones, who lacked the emotional intelligence to check in and read the situation all together. It also makes consent about what someone doesn’t want to do, instead of being about openly expressing what they do want to do.”Ĭonsent is not talked about often enough, especially as young brown kids growing up in a mediocre white conservative town (ie Holland, MI). You may have heard the phrase 'no means no.' That’s totally true, but it doesn’t really provide a complete picture of consent because it puts the responsibility on one person to resist or accept an activity. Whether it’s holding hands, kissing, touching, intercourse, or anything else, it’s really important for everyone in the relationship to feel comfortable with what’s happening. ![]() In a healthy relationship, both (or all) partners are able to openly talk about and agree on what kind of activity they want to engage in. People typically talk about consent in the context of some kind of sexual or physical activity with a partner. So it’s understandable if you’re a little unsure about what it is – and what it isn’t. "As important as consent is, we don’t talk about it enough. He had a responsibility to ask and communicate with me his intentions. – Sand Chang, “In Love and Struggle: Creating Spaceįor Difficult Dialogues About Power, Privilege, and “.how systemic power structures and varied cultural identities affect a person’s self-concept, well-being, and relationships.” The power dynamics in that scenario were real, he had more power due to me being in his home, on his couch, and in his bedroom. The first thing that happened is that consent was not asked for nor was it given, and we were not transparent about our intentions in that situation. Well, years later in my life I realized the real answers to these questions, and the answer is the same for these, the answer being…things happened, in “not doing anything.” I didn’t do anything, right? It’s not like I asked him to get on top. Nothing happened, right? I didn’t say no, but he stopped. Nothing happened, right? It’s not like raped me. He didn’t do anything, right? He got off me when I started crying. That’s the problem when living in a society where we avoid discussion about intimacy, conflict, triggers, dissociation, and socialization “We didn’t do anything…” Right before I got out of his car he said, “I didn’t do anything…” He was clearly confused, but without question, agreed. However, despite my wants, it’s not what I needed nor was prepared for. Maybe I wanted to take it further and fuck. People who dissociate during trauma are more likely to develop a pattern of dissociating as a coping strategy.” Dissociation can help people get through to the end of the traumatic experience. Being powerless to do anything to change or stop a traumatic event may lead people to disconnect from the situation to cope with feelings of helplessness, fear or pain. “As avoidance coping usually happens because of a traumatic event. Right away he got off, hands up, and said, “I didn’t do anything! You pulled me in.” I wiped my tears and buttoned my shirt. I had little self-control, but in that moment, my instincts kicked in and I let out a weak cry. Even though I didn’t have the language I have now, I knew that my mind wasn’t in my body. I didn’t know it then, but my body’s response was dissociation. I didn’t know it then, but the rapid movement of him kissing me without warning and getting on top of me was a definite trigger. I couldn’t express the strong discomfort I was experiencing. Suddenly, he began kissing me and got on top. I was sitting next to him on a couch, in his bedroom, talking away about my favorite T.V. I was 15 years old and hanging out with a dude 2 years older than me. I can’t remember the first time I dissociated, but I remember one of the times that I did clear as day. “Dissociation is a mental process that causes a lack of connection in a person’s thoughts, memory and sense of identity.” “I have never had a client who has dissociated. ![]()
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